“Bill, write about the life transition of loss”

What can I say about loss that has not been said by others in a thousand books? Healing from loss? Is that even possible? Doesn’t healing from loss just mean, in some way, to start over? How do we replace the pieces of our heart that is a void left by the missing part? Every article and book about loss says that loss is permanent. It will, in some form, be with us always. Loss becomes part of us. Like each of the other “parts” of us, we have to find a place to store the losses in our lives. We have to take a trip up the steps into our mental “attic”, open a new box and label it “Loss Box”. In this box will reside each of the losses that we encounter in life. Placing each loss in our “Loss Box” is a decision that we make.  We must conciously make the decision to create and use our “Loss Box”.

Once upon a time, I had a close friend that I met in college. We shared a lot of experiences, including joining together to form a small company. We traveled together and shared our philosophies of life over bourbon, cigars, and late nights. As time passed, life took each of us in different directions. My friend passed away at a relatively young age. I had lunch with him about a year before his passing. It had been several years since we drifted apart when we had lunch. I told him that I often thought about our experiences together. He looked at me and said, “Bill, you know where I am and I know where you are. Maybe this “knowing” is enough.” As I sit and write about loss, I realize that he was right. I had put him in my “Loss Box”. I have always known that he is in my attic and that he is still with me. I can visit him and talk to him any time that I choose to climb the stairs to my attic, open the box and invite him into the open spaces in the attic with me. I ask…he answers. He asks…I answer. We both look for the bourbon and cigars.

At my age, close friends are passing more frequently. With the passing of each, their extinguished candle light reduces the light in my room. I have found that the light in the room remains because I have taken the light from their candle and added it to my own. In this way, they live with me through their connection with me. The large lessons and the small details about life that they provided have become part of my days to the extent that they are never missing but are continually connected to me.

The life cycle includes small and large victories and losses. How we use our intellect to manage our emotions and how we utilize our memory to manage our connections allows us to live with our losses. Though our losses remain with us, over time and through the “boxes in our attic”, we can choose ongoing connection and find peace. Even though the candles around us may dim, the light that we carry forward is strengthened.

Safe Harbor Pathways, safeharborpathways.com, is intended to help to create transitions caused by losses that lead to peace and connection. You are invited to join our dialogue in “comments” or you can contact me directly at bill@safeharborpathways.com