Boxes in the Attic

I have learned that having a “safe harbor” sounding board person within your trusted circle is a resource that provides safety and aids in developing clarity for almost every life transition, issue resolution and important decision that we make in our life trip. My daughter-in-law, Sarah Masat, is a valuable safe harbor resource for me. After reading my recent essay about loss, she suggested that I more fully describe the “boxes in the attic” metaphor.  The “attic boxes” are a device that has, for years, assisted me with sorting my mental priorities. Within these “boxes” I have placed specific challenges that I confront, I store memories of my loved ones who have passed, I have “boxes” that contain the processes by which I manage my life. I have “boxes” that are labeled “goals” and “boxes” that are labeled “boundaries”. The visualization of boxes in my mental attic is a tool with which I attempt to create a level of focus that allows me to more effectively define and articulate problems  and solution options, as well as maintain connections with those in my life with whom I value the permanence of connection.

Steve Allen was a renaissance man. He was a TV host, a comedian, a singer, a musician, a writer, and a producer. In each area of his trove of talents, he excelled. I remember an interview on a long-forgotten TV special during which he was asked how he managed to do so many things so well. He said, and I paraphrase, something like, “When I am doing something, I focus.” He then described the mindset in which he blocks out extraneous thoughts and completely visualizes and becomes deeply involved in the subject of his focus in that moment. From this ability to completely focus, he built a career and a reputation that has defined his legacy. I am not sure if Steve Allen had “attic boxes” that facilitated his ability to focus, but it has helped me to accomplish much more focus in my life.

Creating “boxes” in my “attic” has required me to develop a mental discipline in which, with practice, I have been able to flip a mental switch and efficiently block out distractions. Three decades ago, I struggled with anger, frustration and chaotic thoughts that left me tired and confused. I started to intentionally reign in my brain by deciding that I would find a smile and timing myself to see how long it would take before the unwanted emotions and thoughts were overcome. At first it was a day, then hours, then minutes, then seconds for me to bring myself to a calm and peaceful place. It was during this process of emotional control that I developed my “boxes”. These “boxes” help me to focus and to stay connected to those in my life that have “gone on before”.

Howell Cooper and I met in 1966. We were on a rifle drill team (Sam Houston Rifles, Jodies) at Arlington State College (now University of Texas Arlington), in Vietnam at the same time (me, “Willie Bill”, an air force recon pilot, Howell, “Coop”, a paratrooper in the 101^st Airborne) eventually living close to each other on the Tan Son Nhut airbase, later in business together through the 90’s and very closely connected for decades. Every year we watch the Army-Navy game “together”. We text and phone during the game. We each stand for the national anthem, we cheer for the Army touchdowns and boo for the Navy touchdowns. We each lift two (or three) fingers of Kentucky’s finest at the end of the game in memory of those who have gone before. Howell passed last November. Each year, the Army-Navy game is scheduled in December. I will go to my “Coop box” in my mental attic. I will open the box and Howell and I will watch the Army-Navy game. We will talk to each other, we will cuss Navy and cheer Army. After the game,  we will again raise a glass to those who have gone before. While Coop will return to the attic box after the game, I know where he is and he knows where I am. That “knowing” is enough.

Safe Harbor Pathways can be a useful resource for assisting you with the concept of your “attic boxes”. Join me on safeharborpathways.com, email at bill@safeharborpathways.com. or at “Bill Holmes” or “Safe Harbor Pathways” on Facebook.