Living Alone During the Holiday Season

As the decades have passed and life transitions have occurred, the late 70’s have proven to be a time of reflection and, in many ways, the attainment of clarity about the effects brought about  by life’s adventures. Living alone for most of us is a series of peaks and valleys. The Christmas season is a particularly tricky time for many of those of us in the autumn of our life cycle. I am located in Texas, between Tennessee and the country-wide location of my children and grandchildren. I have stayed very connected to each of my family members through electronics, Facetime, Facebook, Instagram, our cell phone calls and texts. While these frequent connections are incredibly useful in mitigating loneliness, each Christmas, a different yearning occurs. I have found that, when my family is with me, my life is beautifully upended. My “everything in its place” home becomes filled with piles of blankets, pillows, suitcases, games, and coffee cups. The kitchen cabinets, quite adequate for my needs, become sources of treasure hunts for the cookies a friend has delivered, pies and cakes, spices, coffee, tea, latte and hot chocolate pods as each of our tribe regularly cycles through that space for sustenance, followed by laughter, wise-cracks, and the inevitable questions, such as, “Has anyone seen the cinnamon”?

While many would label Christmas, spring break, and summer family visits as “chaos”, I label them as “life’s treasured times”. I find that my  mind shifts to the joy that each person in my family contributes to the sounds and laughter that accompany the “chaos”. As I sit in my recliner “command post” location in the living room, pajama and sweat pants clad bodies fly around the house, lie on the living room floor watching Ebenezer or George Baily deal with the turmoil in their lives, and conduct search expeditions for another latter or for the missing cinnamon.

Loneliness is difficult to describe, not only in its characteristics, but also in how each of us deal with the ache that it brings. I have found that having a daily purpose, created by a life transition in which a daily schedule became essentially an option, is the single element that most clearly defines the maintenance of a state-of-mind in which loneliness does not find a “landing strip”. I have found that the “muscle memory” of leaving the bed each morning with a smile, often forced, and leaving the bedroom with a well-made bed inculcates and metabolizes purpose. Living with loneliness can be alleviated by creating a purpose for each day, planning for the accomplishment of the purpose mission, and measuring progress toward the completion of the day’s mission.

When the seasons arise for family visits, friend drop-ins and electronic connections with friends and family in faraway places, the joy brought by these connections, coupled with our daily purposeful mission setting, helps each of us travel life  seasons and transitions with alacrity and joy. We each can choose to develop the capacity that allows us to experience our life trip without continually experiencing the aches of loneliness.

Safe Harbor Pathways can be a resource for finding the clarity, purpose, and success in navigating life transitions that provide peace and fulfillment. Join us at safeharborpathways.com or contact me directly at bill@safeharborpathways.com.