The Kitchen Table Discussions

In my last essay, I posited that our kids and grandkids will inherit a chaotic world. As parents and grandparents, we have a responsibility to prepare them for not only surviving and living in a world that is very different from the world in which we were raised, but helping them to become leaders in that world of the future.  Understanding two core values will be necessary…”Trust” and “Servant Leadership”. These core values incorporate empathy, compasssion, self-analysis, spiritual and morality maturity, communication skills, ability to create situational clarity for themselves and for others, and a keen understanding of honesty.

Because our individual lives as parents and grandparents are filled with daily responsibilities and our kids and grandkids are flying though days that leave little, if any, time for conversations not related to today’s activities and tasks, finding time to “just talk to each other” is difficult. I suggest that dinner may be the most available time for parents/grandparents to engage with their kids in “thought” discussions, such as “Trust” and “Servant Leadership”. If that time can become available, perhaps with consistency on Wednesday evening (changing as soccer schedules permit), the family can set aside time for conversations that require engagement with an emphasis on “thinking as a family” rather than than finishing dinner in time to catch the run-up to “Monday Night Football”. The scheduling for the family to sit together, “break bread” and think together may be challenging, but the result may be life- changing for parents/grandparents as well as the kids.

Assume that success has occurred and the family is seated around the kitchen table for dinner on Wednesday evening, how do parents/grandparents engage in “family thinking” topics that do not create instant “eye-glazing” on the part of each party to the conversation?  Perhaps preparation for the kitchen table discussion may include:

• Removing cell phones from the kitchen table “family thinking” dinner may be difficult, but it does create a path for less distracted conversational focus for everyone.
• Choosing the topic in advance, i.e. “Trust”.
• Preparing age appropriate questions for each person at the table that focuses on the topic, i.e. “Trust”. What does trust mean to each participant? How do we each create trust? When is trust lost? What does it feel like within each of us when trust is lost? How do we regain trust? Is maintaining trust difficult? When? Why? As a family, where do we currently stand with regard to “family trust”?

As the “Kitchen Table” discussions occur, each family can create a “template” or outline of the best way to conduct their “family thinking” dinners. As the world swirls around each family member, the topics for the “Kitchen Table” can focus on a topic that is, in the moment, the most urgent to understand and resolve, or about which to create clarity. Ideally, each family member should be able to ask the family to schedule a “Kitchen Table” discussion during which a topic,  about which they have concern, can be addressed. These discussions may provide a level of family support that sustains and deepens the family connections and, over time,  may provide a safe harbor for many of life’s transitions.

bill@safeharborpathways.com