Kitchen Table Discussion… Servant Leadership

As parents and grandparents, we strive to impart to our kids and grands ways in which they can grow as strong responsible citizens. I have, in a previous post, touched on the topic of “trust”. I will, in future posts, discuss discuss “trust” in its many forms including the role trust plays in treaching our kids about the concept of leadership. Developing and practicing leadership can take two very distinct paths. One path is, “I am the leader. I make the decisions. Your job is to follow me and adhere to my decisions in order to accomplish the tasks ahead of us”. The second path is, “While I am in a position of leadership, my job is to facilitate your success within the contexts of accomplishing the tasks to which you are assigned, as well as facilitating your success within the contexts of  developing as mother, father, brother, sister, friend and citizen.”

As a parent or grandparent, if servant leadership is to discussed with our kids, I believe it is foundational to describe the elements that a servant leader needs to develop in order to build trust with those with whom she/he is associated in work, school, and social arenas. Through trust built on servant leadership elements, development of servant leadership will provide  valuable assets to those who follow its developmental path. The servant leader will ultimately become a master at creating success through influence rather than by decree.

Let’s take a look at the elements that are necessary to develop in order to provide servant leadership:

• Listening– When we are talking, we are not normally learning. When we listen to others, we gain insight into their “story”. We are more able, as we listen, to develop the ability to look at the world “through their eyes”, instead of our own. Kitchen table question: How do we teach ourselves to listen more, talk less?
• Empathy– Empathy comes from our ability to care about others. When we relate to those around us, empathy develops within us if we understand their “story”. Empathy comes from that “inner voice” that allows us to focus on their humanity, vulnerability, and challenges. Empathy is essential in the development of servant leadership because it instructs us how to provide influence rather than edict. Empathy development allows us to assist those within our sphere of influence for issues in which healing and emotional support are needed in order for peace and life success to follow. Kitchen table question: How do we recognize if our response to another person is empathetic?
• Consensus– Throughout life, we each have to learn the art of compromise in order to find success in almost any endeavor. We learn to persuade by listing and exploring options, creating clarity, considering ideas other than our own and by finding solutions that best mitigate risks and increases rewards. The task of building consensus is a key element in developing servant leadership. Kitchen table question: If we are in disagreement, what steps may we take to create consensus?
• Conceptualization– A servant leader is able to visualize a goal. The goal can be based on her/his individual pursuit or it can be a goal that a group creates and to which the servant leader provides the intellectual and emotional skills to facilitate a path forward. As the goal is sought, the attainment of that goal develops those included in the group. The servant leader and the group-at-large may experience missteps and mistakes, but the trust that the servant leader has nurtured will provide the group with the persistence to “press on” to success. Kitchen table question: Have we experienced creating  a goal and visualizing its completion? If so, what did we learn about creating or visualizing a goal? Examples?

What does the development of servant leadership instill in the individual? Servant leadership provides increased self-awareness and emotional maturity. Strong relationships are formed by the mutual trust that is generated by the development of servant leadership. Our ability to communicate with others is enhanced by our personal intellectual and emotional development. We are able to provide vision, problem solving solutions, create consensus, become dependable friends when “the chips are down” and experience confidence and peace. The kitchen table is an ideal place for each of us to explore the concept of servant leadership and how that leadership will assist us as we navigate life transition pathways.

Bill@safeharborpathways.com